Nates Journal

Just want to give a big Happy birthday to peaches_wolfiez :D

Just to make everything clear, from my other post. It was just what I was feeling at the time, I don't plan on just up and leaving. Though I will be moving back to Seattle some time soon. I just feel Indianapolis is not for me, not the home I hoped it would have been. I need my family and my friends again. I also have plans on pursing another relationship down the road, just see how things play out i guess..

I Feel that what i did in the past was wrong, forever i will regret it. But you need to let things go, don't just say that you are trying. I know your not. I have exhausted myself on doing everything I knew how to make things work, to make you happy and wanted. But It just never seemed to be enough. I have done so much for you, I take care of you and let you take my car yet you make me feel like I am a worthless day in and day out. You always seem to strive to find something that will make you angry, something that will give you fuel to fight with me. You don't need to know about the things I did eight ears ago, they were never and will never be your concern. I didn't tell you because it was the past, not the now that we lived in. We were the only thing important, that was it. You probably didn't even see it but I gave every ounce I could to you, to give you the attention you wanted. Yet I didn't get the same treatment, I always felt lower to you because of my mistakes yet you seem to have a reason to make a point of that every time we would fight.

I tried but how can I put my feelings to someone thats been looking at another for so long, how could I give my true deepest heart felt feelings to you when I had to watch you lust after another. I did my best but this seems to be the end. I am not giving you any more string to me, I thought long and hard till I realized this is what has to happen. We both hurt each other and I am sorry I did what I did. But why do you have to do this to me? Do you even think about it? What your doing what dreams you aimlessly try to get to knowing the outcome. I did my best to take you back but you knew I was always being pushed away. I told you to many times to count. Yet here I am, knowing what you are doing as I told you it is just to soon.

I don't know what to think anymore, but it seems you don't really care. So to say this is the end. I will finish what I need to finish then I will be among the memories. I did everything I could, but I guess it was never enough. You knew what would happen, you know my feelings yet you rather do this than give any thought to keeping a friend.

This may seem rash but this right now is what I feel I have to say. I'm sorry but I cant do this any more. This could have been avoided but you didn't want to give it time, I said it was to soon. This is exactly why.

This is just my rant, my feelings on the situation. This isnt me saying I am going to leave. Just what my mind is thinking of at the moment..

Three months left at the school, then maybe another six months for tuning classes..Trying to figure out what to do, if i want to stay here, move out for a nice place of my own. Or to study abroad when i am able to get enough saved up for it. Thinking maybe Australia or England would be a grand choice for me. Gets me out of the US and away from other things. Looking at the sites it's not expensive so I hope its a worth while choice, maybe doing it will up my chances to one day live in another country. Idle thoughts idle thoughts

Who said they cant go 200 mph :3

( Ouch )

Few weeks ago me and tiggy were up at Havoc_wolfs house for a party and visiting. Well we also made him promise that he would forever quit smoking cigarettes. We had him brake every last one in his pack, but a few times he sneaked a few. A big reason for this is because of what that crap does to people, and what it did to me. Its not "cool" it just out right fucks your body up through and through. So just to tell everyone and Havoc knows i was supposed to do this. Do NOT give him or let him have a cig what so ever. He knows he needs to quit, and to make one more step to insure he does so, i thought i would announce it to everyone.

SO at my friends parents place for the weekend ( they are like family to me ) bla bla bla going home. Me and alex are just an hour from indy minding our own, after getting gas we were sitting at the light behind another car, light changes to green and the guy just puts around slow as fuck. Of course i just move over and go past him but nope, he had to show off to the two blonds with him by flying past my oh so fast. 06 Grannymobile seabring..Awesome man..you are faster than my tank of a grocery getter..Driving behind the guy he couldn't keep a constant speed let alone nearly missing the dividing line made out of cones.. What ever, we just brush him off and forget it. I guess he had different thoughts though.

Close to the Grissom prison, actually in front of it. the kid sticks his head out of the window and starts yelling at couple in their car. Not going fast enough i think, as he told them to fuck off and other stuff. Thinking to our selfs "wtf mate" we made sure to not let him out of our sites. Giving a nod to the couple as i pass them, both of us knowing what was going on. We made sure to do dead the limit hoping the kid would be dumb enough to fly past us.

After this going on for about an hour we hoped to find a cop just incase it got worse, a couple hours from indy he went after us, trying to speed match us as he would yell something at us, cutting us off, and swerving wildly back and forth. We get the first light in Kokomo, This is where it gets good. He again yells more stuff at us, alex mouthed dumbass to one of the girls who then fliped out and started mouthing off to us..I think she forgot the window was up..

Light changes we both go, he punches it for some reason and chirps the tires, wondering what was his problem as i mind my own while alex calls the boys in blue. Not knowing they also had a little twist of their own to add. Half way through town we get four cops to force me over to the side, weapons at ready, blocking half the road. Obviously now i have a insane amount of attention i didnt need/want. The cops did the usual asking for my license and papers, They told me i was swerving and all that jazz, i laughed and we did our best to explain to them what happened. Giving them the kids plate number before they ended up letting us go.

Thinking we lost only 20 minutes from our apartment what do we see? The silver grand am pulled over, the scrawny wana be gangster fuck sitting on his trunk as a cop chews him out. As they get to watch me and alex smile and wave, as we drive past them

God Karma i fucking love you today..


Long i know but hell it was pretty wild to be in something like that for the..fith? time i think now..

So today i got my teeth pulled, the surgeon was super nice and tried to make the whole situation easy to deal with. They made me laugh a good amount while i was being gassed ( No Jew jokes! D:< :P ) she was also teaching another assistant so they ended up having to take a few tries while putting the IV in my arm. They hooked the IV up and i some how was putting my skill on the nurse so now shes got my number in case she needs someone to work on her car...lol i dont know how i do it XD

They were a great bunch of people, asking how i met Tiggy and what our plans were for moving to Australia and opening our own shop and so on. There was a bit more jibber jabber after it but i cant remember probably when i ended up passing out lol. I woke up and i swear it was only a few minutes that i was in the room. Alex took me home and now im drugging myself up trying to enjoy the rest of the day..

Feels like i was punched in the mouth >.o

Just wanted to wish originalisme a happy Bday,we miss you love. Hope to see you soon <3

So a lot been going on lately, My little sister is going to be having her kid this week we think..im pretty stressed about that, shes only 17, shes going to be giving it up for adoption though..Shes just to young to do this so its also putting my whole family though a lot of stress. School is being a drag and making me want to drop it but ill see what happens. We have some friends moving in now, Lyenuv and her man Chris, with their little girl. Hope to be in a house some time soon now..

Other than that not a whole lot going on, just been thinking and doing. Peace out guys <3

Saw this today, I really thought it was meaningful and caring that these guys were doing this.

http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/gallery/022309dana_farber_beams/

I cant sleep, i cant stop thinking about him, and worrying about him. I love him so much that it hurts, i want nothing els but to be with him and show how much i really do love him. I feel like i could be pushing him to hard, or maybe i am pushing myself..I just want him to be happy,safe and loved and i will do what ever it takes to make sure he has that. Its like i am scared of something, that i am over looking something, but i dont know. I just wish he was here right now..i wish it was thursday..3:19am and not even slightly tired..maybe ill just watch these shitty movies till i pass out..

I just want him to know..I love him, and if he was here right now i could show him how much i really do..

just a little something for the one i love, and a few others that mean the world to me.


i could be poor
i could have nothing
but i still have everything
i am the richest man in the world
not with money
but with love and happiness
our love is all i need
your all i need
i have everything
all that is needed in my life
love happiness caring
nothing els matters
with you i am happy
to love till my last breath
to protect with my life
to give everything to
to be together forever
i don't need money or possessions to be happy
all i need is you
i will never stop loving you
together on this earth we shal be
my heart is yours
i am forever yours
never to leave
never to stop caring
never to stop loving

Just got this from CyberCat, just love her stuff and this is my new self :)

Yep thats right, my draggy made enough to get his plane ticket to come visit next week ^-^ now just counting down the days till thursday, then i get to pick him up after class. I cant wait :3

I love him. He loves me. Thats all i need to know..Thats all i need to say..


Being mushy is fun :P

1. Are you single or taken?
I am happily taken

2. Chocolate or flowers?
Chocolate is the way to this tigers heart

3. Will you do anything special for Valentines Day?
Send poems to my lover

4.Do you like anyone?
So much it hurts :)

5. Were you dating anyone last Valentines?
Yes

6. What would be your dream Valentines date?
For us to go ride our motorcycles to a nice restaurant

7. Do you make a big deal about Valentines?
Not all the time, still try and do something nice

8. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
Not that I know of

9. Would you ever write someone a love letter?
Yes, and more than just one

10. Do you believe in Cupid?
Nope

11. Do your parents give you presents on Valentines?
Nope, i just make sure to call my mum

12. Do you still send out Valentines cards?
Nope

13. Do you like candy hearts?
Not as much as i used to

15. Is Valentines depressing?
When i was single

16. How do you feel about PDA?
Doesn't bother me

17. How is your love life?
Happy and content

18. Have you ever been dumped on Valentines?
Nope

19. How many roses would you want?
I don't need flowers, but they are nice.

20. Will you have a boyfriend/girlfriend next Valentines?
I hope i never loose the one i have..